Stoic Journal 7

Been sick. Get the same illness around the same time every year. During my time on my back I have been watching a lot of the super hero show Arrow. Super hero writing does a lot of good thinking about moral quandaries. How there are consequences to every choice we make. It's also good for challenging prejudices. Mine as an anarchist is towards law enforcement. I don't care for the police. I see them as the enforcement arm of the ruling class and the overwhelming evidence since we came into the digital age has born that out. But some of these men and women truly believe in what they do. There is evil in this world. People who hurt others out of cruelty and greed. But all to often it is the people who are meant to protect people from these evils who are instead perpetrating them. Vigilantism seems a tempting answer but they have even less accountability to the people than police. This quandary baffles me. The best "on paper" answer is community defense organizations but in the real world how effective could they be with laws written as they are? An elected police force such as a county sheriff also seems a good answer until one considers the atrocities committed by the Morton County Sheriffs at Standing Rock, or the laws written to hurt the poor and minorities that are then enforced by even an elected constabulary.
As I said it's a quandary.
I don't know the answer.

Stoic Journal 6

These past couple weeks have been rough. A true test of my ability to apply the philosophy. But I'm still here. No job but still here. Applying and interviewing nearly daily. I hope this lifts soon.

Stoic Journal 5

Feeling better today. Not much else to say really. Trying to discipline myself to journal even when I have nothing much to say.

Stoic Journal 4

Today was hard. I did not do well holding to philosophy. But to be weak is to be human; all I can do is acknowledge my shortcomings and try to do better.

Stoic Journal 3

Yesterday was bad. I lost my job. I am hurting really bad right now. Now is the time I most need this philosophy and now is the time it's hardest to apply. But I am here journaling. It's a start.

Amor Fati is easy when things are going well. But it's more important now. Life is hard, mine has been punishing, but let's be clear I like who I am. I wouldn't be me if my life had not been hard.

So one foot in front of the other. I could leave life before I finish typing this. So I will keep pushing. Keep standing up even though I know I'll be kicked again.

Stoic Journal 2

Yesterday, ironically considering the nature of my post, was very trying for my temper, as a consequence of my temper. I had lost my temper during an activity the day before and as a result was banned from said activity without getting a chance to try to redeem myself. Which of course I felt was unfair. Which made me angry. I had two choices before me and thankfully my meditation yesterday bore good fruit. I did not take the path of burning bridges but rather controlled my temper and acted with humility while politely expressing my hurt that I wasn't allowed to redeem myself. It was tough. I know I will fail in the future because I am a very proud man. But yesterday at least I was master of my temper. I hope these meditations will continue to bear such fruit.

Tomorrow I will tackle my tendency to procrastinate.

Stoic Journal 1

It has been a while.

At this point if anyone read this in the past they probably do not now, but if you do welcome to the new and improved blog of myself Achija Branvin Sionnach. I am going to start journaling here daily to reflect and to learn as all the great stoic philosophers advised. So, here we go.

These past two years have been difficult for us as a nation and for myself personally. My Saturn return was not kind, but the dust is beginning to settle and much of my ability to make it through this time has been thanks to my embrace of stoic philosophy. It has been a constant light in the darkness and, though I am still impulsive, restless, and grumpy, it has helped me to gain some perspective on my situation. Good Stoics journal, and while I am easily distracted and have trouble committing to writing assignments with neither grades nor money involved I am making a commitment to here overcome that failing. As Yoda said "Do, or do not; there is no try". I could try to journal in private but that would not be as useful to me I think. So I will be baring my own inner workings here. If you enjoy that sort of thing you are weird but welcome.

I have a temper to shame the gods. I have learned many techniques over the years to control that temper and present the world with a more even keel but the fact remains that when someone gets my dander up I suck all the energy out of a room. I have had to quit things I otherwise enjoy such as League of Legends because I get far to angry while playing. The Stoics say when you are getting angry to put things into perspective, to memento mori, to amor fati and I do, but still I struggle.

I want to master my temper, not to bottle it for that is unhealthy but instead to be master of it rather than let it master me.

I'll see you tomorrow.